Sometimes it feels like there are two painters inside of me. There’s one who seems to calmly follow the subtle colors that nature presents, but there’s another who takes a more explosive and expressive route in the use of color. More and more, it feels as if it is not even a conscious decision who is working on the painting at that moment. A certain way just takes over.
The resulting paintings feel very different to me, but the intentions aren’t actually different. I go out in nature, and depending on what I encounter, I try to paint what resonates, try to extract the poetry and story out of it. And before I start to paint, of course I do some sketching and look for the right composition. Then there’s a bit of careful painting, and when it feels right, a certain kind of rhythm takes over.
I guess I had expected that this way of working would eventually result in one particular style. You might expect that the authentic ‘you’ will then come out naturally. However, so far it has felt like at least two different versions of me have stepped forward: one that searches for true natural colors, and one that lets bold colors take over. Both happen naturally, without me making a distinct decision upfront.
Lately, I’ve started to wonder if they are truly different styles, or rather part of a spectrum as a whole. Sometimes I see the poetry of the place and moment encapsulated in the subtle color shifts, for example, a blooming hawthorn on a sunny spring day. On other occasions, the bright contrasts of a forest in summer, or the lack of contrast on a misty day, might dictate the message. And when I’m open to what is shown to me, open to the experience, apparently a certain painter steps forward in me.
This duality that I have felt, especially in my use of color, has always felt like a flaw to me, something I would have to work through to reach a kind of status quo. Now I realize more and more that it is perhaps much less of an active choice. And the best thing I can do is go along with myself, and let out what wants to get out. It is not me doing it on my own, but rather letting nature speak.
